Finally feeling better.

Well, today i feel better..after days of feeling lousy. Got to work this morning for them to put me on call....bastards....not like i feel like spending another 14 miles to work and back at 4$ a gallon. Oh well.
Last night i made an awesome dinner of swiss enchiladas...

And after dinner...i watched my boys play in the yard while i washed dishes:
"who's that dad?"



Mom sent me this...it was taken on july 5th at her BBQ....we wore matching shirts and were accompanied by our 4-legged son..lol


And well...i finally got my hair done...this was taken a little while back after getting off of a 7p-7a shift....hence the reason my eyes are nearly shut..


Me and the love of my life..

About time.

Well, look at this sad blog...i have abandoned it.
It's been nearly a year to the day that i've entered anything....purely by coincidence.
I've since allowed my bf and his 7 year old to move in, i've adopted a bitbull, and i've fit my big behind back into all of my size 16 clothes.
Today is a sore day.....i worked in the yard all weekend with no thought as to how bad my quads and hamstrings were going to hurt today...thank god i'm off.
I will try and be beter at keeping this updated...as i created it for a reason :)

Learning about my vices.

I'm learning lately that food controls my life, or so it used to. I'm so programmed to eat three times a day with snacks on top of that...that i find that i'm always thinking about my next meal or trying to figure out if i'm hungry. I'm making myself listen to my body, and trying to look at food as fuel and not as a social item or a routine thing. Overall since may 16th i've lost 12 pounds as of today....it'd be higher if i'd have been more strict with myself but i feel good so i'm not complaining. I'm losing and not gaining and that's what matters.

?

I don't know if i'm fighting insecurity...or a gut feeling.
I feel like i'm being used, and like i'm being lied to. I feel like my eyes are seeing something that my heart won't let me confront. I just don't know anymore. I don't know if it's myself or others that i don't trust. I don't know if i'm reacting based on past experiences, or if i'm finally learning from my mistakes. I mean, i'm usually right about things...when something looks and feels a certain way....then that's usually what it is. Or so i've found to be true in the past. I try not to live in the past...but i'll be damned if im not gonna learn from it...i've learned some hard ass lessons that i sure as hell don't want to relive or relearn.

My biggest fear confronted.

So...
Last night i had to but an NG Tube into a patient. This is a tube (called nasogastric) that goes up into the nose and down the throat, into the stomach. My first experience ever with this procedure was several years back in denver, my ex boyfriend shimond who was my everything at the time needed one....and oh god, it was just horrific. I'm now realizing that i've worked myself up over a procedure that really wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. I mean yea...it was shitty for the patient...but for me...it was just another procedure. So there...i've done it...my biggest fear of being a nurse...confronted and succeeded!

The year in review

Well in the past year, i've moved out of my house and gotten my own place, had my sister living with me and kicked her out, started and graduated from nursing school, bought a brand new car, passed my NCLEX and gotten my LPN license, and i'll be starting my RN program next month. Wow. Busy year.
I miss myself.
My life.
And slowly but surely i'm getting it/me back.
I'm taking the time to enjoy how good it feels to sleep in, to stand at my kitchen window and was dishes in the breeze at 8am, to be confident, beautiful and brilliant all at the same time.
I love my new career....and for the first time in a LONG time, i think i'm happy.

Finally...a new hairstyle!

Well, despite feeling ill....i feel much better about myself today. My eating today was great. My breakfast/lunch was tuna with mayo, and a salad. Dinner was a steak and sauteed yellow summer squash. I snacked on some almonds and blueberries between meals. I went and got my hair cut today, which was way way way overdue. I'm loving it..i feel like a new person without that long, cracked faded hair. I'm the type of person who loves salons and spas...and traditionally..that's where my spending money goes. Throughout nursing school however, i've had to cut that expense out and do my own eyebrows, do away with pedicures and massages, and just deal with blah hair color and split ends. Well, i've found a new stylist down in lewes...and a fantastic new salon and i can afford my luxuries again This is the first time i've been to this place (called "Bling")...you go back in this dark room and sit in a big leather chair to get your hair shampooed...they recline the chair and turn on the body massager and give you cold )or hot) compresses for your eyes....and i swear by the time she's done you're just about asleep. It was awesome. Well worth the 45 + tip! I'm loving being back to work, its good for me. I get bored then i get depressed if i'm not working and home to much. I like knowing that i have something to do...even if it means getting up at freakin 5am...it's worth it. I'm starting to love this nurse thing Finally, my education and knowledge are relevent...and i'm not invisible anymore (although at times i wish i were!). It's fantastic.